i know things will never be this way

i know the things that i want will never
be that way, today a good day with Ann, i havent wrote here in such
a long time becuase i was waiting for something good to happend
the thing is that nothing did. the past month was horrible in some ways
but in others it was soo good becuase for a great part of the day i felt
so loved and filled with emotions that somonene loved me. but at the end of the
day i will go home and find out that it was all a fake feeling and in my head i
tought that ann's point of view was either playing with my feelings or just
being a close friend. two weeks passed and it made me feel so so bad, until one
day i exploted with her, and it was for me and my relationship that i had with her
i yelled at her and we went to the bank and she ask me to tell her what was going through
my head but i did not tell her, i couldnt i know by past experiences that it was not
probably the right thing to do but i sure shouldn have told her, by the end of the day
we were joking around and hugging like before. then vacations came, i missed her and
i nedded her soo muchhhh but i just couldnt tell her . the first day of classes
she sent me a messaage i did reply but she didnt get it, she called me telling me that
she missed me i ... wish i could tell her how much i did miss her and how much
i miss her being close to me, today it was just like any other day with her i...
my like for her has been diminishing slowly but not today as i am writing right now i
feel like shit, the most stupid person in the fucking world i sooo wish you could
grab a hold, and rip my fucking heart and tear it all around my dear God....