in this moment

i had a dream yesterday that i was somewhere in a tunnel, some kind of underground
classroom or something and... the girl with the hair of fire was there and i look at her and
i ask her that if i could look at her eyes and i felt like i was almost going to kiss her or ...
felt some kind of wierd connection... later it happend that pretty girl appeared and
she came close to me and put her hand on my hair and then grabbed some kind of paper
with a number and gave it to me. she was really close , i felt really good inside becuase of this
dream. anyways besides that dream nothing interesting this week i just feel really wierd
like my life has gone thorught a lot of lanes that i do not know whats up. this term i had way more friends than last term and it feels really good. a lot of good friends and old ones too
i hope this vacations are cool and this next term starts with a blast. also i expect that finally im able to go out with pretty girl, i just hopse so becuase its really dear to me and i will pray to my dear lord , to my God so this can happend . and i just want to thank my family, friends my sister, and my God for this amazing auttum term !!

Point at me , you wont be dissapointed

friday, first i was sick and then my sister's birthday. it was horrible for my sister a lot of drama
but for me well i couldnt do anything. saturday the day of the presentation, everything cool
until the presentation, i took many pictures and video of my sister , but when everything rapped up i was with my sister enjoying a good day with hector and jonnas, then she cames and
i wanted to take a picture with her, but i didnt say anything. i just felt it was not apropiate and
i felt soo bad in the inside, i went to bed and almost cried but i couldnt so i was like get over it cry baby , so i did. next day i woke up late and talk to my sister, then we took a taxi to the place, i dresed up nicely and took my piercings off my ears.
soo we were there, we got there so early that there was no one, so i helped my sis to do her makeup, minutes after cames grace and she was noit going to dance becuase she forgot her stuff and outfit. so i went with her to buy credit for her cellphone. then we sat down and took pictures and handed out fliers and took video.
when everything ended we went to the place where they were getting undressed and ready to leave. soo pretty girl was there too and saying bye to everyone, she said by to my sis . then manuel and at that moment i look at her and she look at me and i said to myself oh well another thing that its going to make me feel bad

then she walks up to me and extends her arms and wanted me to say bye to her by a kiss, so i did and she hugs me and then leaves i dont remember really what hpapend but after that
i went to my sister and she told her that i was going to buy her a cake becuase of her birthday and she answers " hay tu hermano tan bellooo" and i was like melting inside

after that we hang out and walk around the mall. then got lost for around half hour trying to find the stupid cake place. then we stoped by the HEB to ask for directions. thety couldnt say anything so my sister says there is a dairy queen there. then i said lets buy it there . so we did, we bought the cake, and a blizzard for my sis and manuel. then we got home ate cake and pop, then moni came home and took million pictures and had a great time. it was a really good day best day ever, all thanks to God and well hehehe me for giving my sister aa great day that she deserved it!!!

Frozen plain

welll lets recap, friday i was with my sis and J sitting on the bench and i went to wash my hands , she passes by with her friend and i say hi to her and she say helloo back, when i come back to the bench, she says i dont like the way she says hi to you... soo she is right i shall not pursuit this any longer im just going to let it go, i should write what i did later that day .... but im to down right now if anything new comes up i shall write it up until then i will go to sleep and chat with God about this.

Take me Down this Road

once more,this was one annoying but yet interesting weekend. a lot of free time to sleep through
yesterday, when i went to sleep early it was cold and dark, just like i always like it
then i started dreaming about my dear cecip, she was hanging out with me in some undisclosed house, i remember her redhair and her haircut, her really straight hair. we were doing some kind
of walking and sitting on the couch that i dont remember but i felt soo good inside and it was dark
and cloudy in my dream. like something that i neded, not happy but just calm and quiet and really close to somoene or you could say happy in my own way (not like blue sky and full of happy thoughts, just something that makes you feel good) it made me feel soo good. now the weekend starts and just like i was telling my self earlier today i wont let my own fears and other phobias stop me, i have work sooo hard to be where i am, and im not going to let some stupid fears ruin all what i have fought for. like always i will pray to God so he can help her and me with this , something that its really dear to me.

Night/ the last goodbye

if i could just bee diferent, i do not know what approach i should follow, yet i feel soo good inside but like i've done it before i just hope i dont ruin it like always. a personality says that im going to do well, while the other one its uncertain over what course should i take. i was thinking right now how much i miss going to church and to hear my pastor's message was always amazing. to listen ildjarn over the dark grey skies on my way back to home in the bus. just to feel soo alone but with no direction to follow was ... soo stressfull . i... just want her to like me and to think about me, to have good thoughts thats all i want, to feel the tiny droplets of water and to sit down feeling that somoene thinks about and cares about me always trying to understand why things are the way they are, trying to understand why things happend, why do we live in this world, why sometimes we cannot do anything about somtehing , why sometimes we as much as we try the result is the same, why as much as we try we cannot change things or save ...i just want to try it once more, all my fear, all my uncertantie all my phobias all the bad things i just have to put it to the cross just like pastor pete once said. and trust into my lord, God.

Sunset

today stupid stupid me... she was carring a lot of things computer, three bags and she was walking my way to use the electric switch, my waay!! how stupid i am... next time i should be less smiling and more calm... like befoore , i love being calm and soo My Lord help me with her, i like her but in some other level i would totally love hanging out with her,... she seems soo full of like and always smiling i love that.... i want somone to laugh all the time with. dear God help me with becoming her friend and that she sees me as a friend.

Spring-Daybreak

even though the title says spring, and im near winter, well too mee it feels like spring.
today marketing fair annnoyingly looong, several things ocured to me earliuer annie went to my stant and was all smiling to me and stuf... then when i was on humanidades she did the same thing and she huggged me... welll in what concerns to the first part of the day if it wasnt for my friends and annie and other part that i will be writting in a minute it could have been horrible. then the first part of the day ended, i went to eat and sat by jorge and the girls, and pancho too. then i went to buy some food for my sister, i first took money out of our account and then i went to the other side to buy her food, then we moved to difusion, after that she was talking to her friends and i dont remember what i was doing just ... joking with my friends... then her teacher comes here and bla bla bla and then pretty girl does too i was like ... nothing is going to happend today... then i tell my sister what if i give her a flower... first i was like noo noo this is too stupid then i thought about it a little bit and i say yes... then clau came and i told her and she made me do a "pinky promise" and told me not to back away.... sooo i waited for the right time and i was sooo nervous i thought i was going to faint.. she came i said " paooo ven para aca"" and then " mira te tengo esta flor para ti" then i have it to her she smiled and said omggggg thaaanks.... then i was like im fainting..... i couldnt belive i did it... i still be praying to God so i can keep my dreams ... soo my dreams can become truee

one last goodbye

well reall busy.... i've been wanting to write here but i was busy so im going to be short
all started on wednesday when i was grabbing her hand and i was playting with her fingers
i felt soo good inside and sooo in peace,... friday i hang out with her and i walked around with her
i just was wishing that same night that i could do the same thing with the girl that i like... i just hope i can i will prayt to God ...

Autumn night

well wednesday... she first was smilling and walked trhough... then she was exited becuase my friend was going to dance with them. then i was soo annoying... but yet she look at me and ask if the girl was my sister, she said we kinda look a like... then we exchanged the first words i ever had with her, i wish i could do more , i will pray to God so i can be with her and so she can like me...

Forever, nah give my heart away

and meaning to my carelesss life.
anyways i was dreaming that i was somewhere in some kind of computer lab and everyone had a computer, i was trying to do something like on the back of the computer. then i saw pretty girl trying to grab like shirts from the wall, but i dont remember what happend that we were in front of each other. and then we went under the counter and she was like looking both sides and she look right and then in front of me and then she somehow got really close to me and then kissed her hand and put it in my lips, then she smiled in a really warming way and she stood up smiling to me and really happy.... i havent felt like that in years, next i was taking a shower and then somehow i was leaving and i had a 2 seat car and i was putting my stuff in the seat, then i ask if anyone wanted a ride , then grace said can you take me home... apparently it was a a miata or something like that who knows it was the best dream ever no one has done that in a dream to me

the taste of greater things

today an interesting day, it started pretty much normal, now during my boring time on computer lab i got out earlier. then they had this wannabe stompers, first i saw all the girls and then i said hi to clau with a hand and she is like say hi to me properlly and i did the hi kiss , then i saw my friends on the benches, i stood there for a while and being all like "this sucks" then after a while she comes back with her friend and my ssis comes back too. then clau its all like trying to dance. since i was sitting she comes to me and grabs my hand and trys to get me dancing, i said nooon onono i dont like dancing, then she makes me stand up and chases me down then i run. after that i sit again and she grabs my cheeks like comeee ooon .... then i said nnononon i dunnont want tooo. after a while when i was eatinng i was sitting with her, she draw me a star that i had on there with a sharpiee....
i love when this kind of things happend

these sonnets of our lives

soo friday and thrustday i wore my new piercings, horray they look awesome really
hardcore, so right now im listening to some good hardcoore too... or screamo... whatever im not gonna get into that discussion , its just music / sooo i felt like it was a lesss obnoxious week, at the end on friday i didnt feel too comfortable . this week i had soo many chances of talking to pretty girl but i didnt ... it has to be more natural, even though i have a lot of fun . but obnoxious fun i should improve this week becuase i hate beeing like that , i should be more emmm normal, its like im all over everyone saying stupid and annoying things. ugghh the beautiful people ughh... i knoww i shall be like i was before quiet, i shall be quiet i promisee

Symptoms of a failing heart

Well what i got to say...
things are not that good latelly lots of issues that are really important
not like the ones that bother me. it seems that the ones that bother me are the
ones which are "bad" but at the same time i love.
school started and nothing fun at all but just stupid classes
with idiots. and besides that welll guess what im loosing both
M and pretty girl .. whats left to do? nothing like always
this endless cycle of loosing everyone its nothing new
it is meant to happend as i am such a fucking loooooseer
gosh if i felt something it would be diferent but its just
... emotionless

believe in dreams

so i had an amazing dream just like always i have to write about it becuase i twas really nice, aparently my dad was drunk and he called somone to help us for no reason and ... well lets just say that me and my mom went to the supermarket and after we bought everything we had to leave, and before that i saw M and she was there and i was with the shopping cart doing somet stupiud things and i was suprised to see her so i said "what are you doing here? i thought you were gonna go to the coast" and she got close to me and hug me and said baby yeah me and my dad we are gonna go there right now and she said something else , but i dont remember all i remember is that i felt really good inside, i have not felt like this in a loong time ^__^

Recognize me

well today another normal day, weekend aloooone yay finally i can think only about myself i missed being alone, i was really sick of people i dojt know why, probably because thrusday that was the last of a line of annoying days, i was soooooo relieved that day passed it was ANNOyIn.
anyways this weekend = me me me all i neded its a moment of loneliness like before, and ind two days ill be home again,to not talk to anyone haha only play games and draw and train.
hopefully everything will be normal, and i cannot wait to go to be back to school and see pretty girl
of which whom guess what im doing? drawing yep, its stupid but finally i got somet time to do it and you know its kinda disapointing but i do my best, all i hope for next term its to talk to her who knows... when i come back i will hopefully get rid of my lens so i can look normal :P haha and get another piercings like the ones that i want. well besides that i wroke my record on battlefield 2142 haha im exited... not for that but for next term i cannot wait to be ther ( but always, when i feel anxious it doesnt meet my expectatives)... anyways i just want this vacations to be all about me and beeeing aloneee

the Darkest nights

well this week = interesting and annoyingly annoying
well lets start with monday... i was going to get my ears pierced
and while i was sitting with ohter poeple in the blender place mademoiselle M. comes
and i said" what are you doing in theese realms?? you dont normally hang out here"
so she said that she was doing a test, i told her that i was getting my ears pierced
and she was soo psyched about it . we went to the place and she was really exited
since the guy was not there me and her and my sister and her friend walk around the place and
we were talking a lot and she would grab my arm and say funny things
and she was telling me about her life.we bonded like greatly. she was sititng in a bench
and we were talkigng it was awesome, after that i got my ears pierced( which didnt hurt at all)
and she was omg it loooks soooo cooolll so she loved them. today i was again with her really close she woul talk to me and look me in the eyes. i looove looove being with her she is just awesoome
anyways yesterday and today was horrible (exept for the events that happend after we got into school) yep so it is nice to be out of school and im sick sick of my sisters parties and friends i just want to be alone and be myself. i love M. she is awesome , an awesome friend she is just Cool!

humble

well yesterday's party was exhausting like always...
i didnt feel good and i dont know the reason why , lets recap
this week i did the tourism faire... and it was my sister's dancing show
lets skip all of that and focus on thursday.
that day i went to school (only had 6 or 7 hours of sleep not enough) and
i first went to classes normally annyed fbecuase of stupid tests , later that day
i had no idea what was going on , one of my friends was acting really wierd and he felt bad
so he went home and he said that he might not come later. soo i stayed with my sis
and we ate from school' cafeteria and they had reherseal so i was there
all by my self surrounded by girls only! there were around 8 to 10 girls there and i was like emm
i feel kinda akward and good becuase pretty girl was there too
even though she didnt even notice me , soo since my sister was doing something else
and i didnt want to just sit there i went towards grace and told her hey... grace
give me something to do becuase im boooreed. so she did haha and i was doing her
hawaian skirt... so that same evening i was siting during the show my friend came ! and i
was surprised he was there i was happy, anyways he and i went running to buy some
stuff for the girls that they forgot to buy. anyways the show was nice and
pretty girl... look astonashingly pretty like always of course, now i have pictures of
her so my memory wont forget how she looks ....
i feel kinda sick of people right now and i want to go back to
my humble self so thats wahat im going to ttry to do... just wish me luck!

trace all the lines that will lead you back to the surface again

ok yesterday tourism fair... a total waste of time but still i had fun
besides that when i went to sleep i had a wierd dreeam
where i would say hi to pretty girl and she was just walking by and she look at me and
said hi back, and i was doing something else and she said hi to me too and i was really suprised that
she even say anything to me

fatal wounds

i had a wierd wierd dream
i was at school and we were at some kind of ... place that was sourrounded
by a fence and we were talking about something, and i had this great idea
of buying a beer, XX lagger , and i tought that it would be really fun
to drink a little bit duriong school. so i did and i was drinking and somoene
approached me and checked that it was beer and he saiud, you are in trouble mister
so i went underground to some kind of office and while that happend in my toughts i was saying
what was i thinking i can get exppelled forever, and while that was hpapening M apporached and she
was like "what are you doing in a place like this?" and i said well i got into trouble
so she sat by me and chatted a little bit. thats as far as i can remember
all of this ghappend to me like a weeek ago, before i was going to go to her gig.
today i had the tourism fair... and i looked like an idiot... pretty girl was there dacing and looking
as pretty as alwayts, she might saw me or not.. i dont know since im invisible

Though

well this week = normal or boring. nothing fun exept for yesterday.
anyways yesterday i went to a M's gig... and when we were leaving she hugged everyone
and when i was hugging her she told me michhell hug me tight
i dont feel anything in fact i guuess its this weeks emotionless
besides that i doint think she is interested in me nor anything else... like always
i was watching don hertzelfed's video of l'amore and its totally true
they will always hurt me no matter what soo i better abandon any hopes for any related
issue of this... soo not much to say.. twoo weeks before school is over and... who knows if
i am leaving since my parents since to be too busy and never answer the phone... besides that
life is supposed to suck... but i just feel dont anything

Always there

last post was a little bit too shy, i wasnt used to this site and i didnt fell like go in detail or too deep with the details actually.
soo ok this tuesday... was awesome... so lests recap: i went to M's concert on saturday and she was really happy to see us. monday not important. tuesday... i went to my french class
got there early, then i sat next to a friend and M came late...
then the teacher asked us to take out our books. so i did... but it turned out M didnt have hers... so she asked me if i could we could share. So i did... put my desk close to hers (but a fried had his lags on my backsit so first i couldnt then i did) after that i dont remember quite but she ask something to me and i look at her... and she look at me and stare for a couple fo seconds then she smiled, i ask her " whaaaat" smiling too and she said nothing...after that i said something stupid she passed her hand trough the back of my head and she said something like duuuuh then after that she stared more at me. then she grabbed my cheek and said ohhh micheeeeeel!!! i dont relaly know what to think... emm i kinda like her but i think she is really awesome i mean do i really have a chance with her... she is ... too unique.. i just wish im fortunate with her,..

Therefore I am

Intro
after getting rid of deviantart., mssn space.. hi whatver fivce ,myspace.... and my old account of gayfacebook ... im here... in a place where no one will read this and no none will care

so... this weekk.. = wieeerd wieerddd
first of all i didnt have classes today... hurricane warning (much more... skiping pretext)
last weeeknd = awesomeness (if thats a word)
tuesday wierd ok i was sitting with this person(who is awesome) and she first pass her hand over my neck then she will stare at me and smile and i would be like 'hu??what"
and then she grabbed my cheek (like i have cheeks right...)
anyways i dont know what to think ... but it was really nice
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