Frozen plain

welll lets recap, friday i was with my sis and J sitting on the bench and i went to wash my hands , she passes by with her friend and i say hi to her and she say helloo back, when i come back to the bench, she says i dont like the way she says hi to you... soo she is right i shall not pursuit this any longer im just going to let it go, i should write what i did later that day .... but im to down right now if anything new comes up i shall write it up until then i will go to sleep and chat with God about this.

Take me Down this Road

once more,this was one annoying but yet interesting weekend. a lot of free time to sleep through
yesterday, when i went to sleep early it was cold and dark, just like i always like it
then i started dreaming about my dear cecip, she was hanging out with me in some undisclosed house, i remember her redhair and her haircut, her really straight hair. we were doing some kind
of walking and sitting on the couch that i dont remember but i felt soo good inside and it was dark
and cloudy in my dream. like something that i neded, not happy but just calm and quiet and really close to somoene or you could say happy in my own way (not like blue sky and full of happy thoughts, just something that makes you feel good) it made me feel soo good. now the weekend starts and just like i was telling my self earlier today i wont let my own fears and other phobias stop me, i have work sooo hard to be where i am, and im not going to let some stupid fears ruin all what i have fought for. like always i will pray to God so he can help her and me with this , something that its really dear to me.

Night/ the last goodbye

if i could just bee diferent, i do not know what approach i should follow, yet i feel soo good inside but like i've done it before i just hope i dont ruin it like always. a personality says that im going to do well, while the other one its uncertain over what course should i take. i was thinking right now how much i miss going to church and to hear my pastor's message was always amazing. to listen ildjarn over the dark grey skies on my way back to home in the bus. just to feel soo alone but with no direction to follow was ... soo stressfull . i... just want her to like me and to think about me, to have good thoughts thats all i want, to feel the tiny droplets of water and to sit down feeling that somoene thinks about and cares about me always trying to understand why things are the way they are, trying to understand why things happend, why do we live in this world, why sometimes we cannot do anything about somtehing , why sometimes we as much as we try the result is the same, why as much as we try we cannot change things or save ...i just want to try it once more, all my fear, all my uncertantie all my phobias all the bad things i just have to put it to the cross just like pastor pete once said. and trust into my lord, God.

Sunset

today stupid stupid me... she was carring a lot of things computer, three bags and she was walking my way to use the electric switch, my waay!! how stupid i am... next time i should be less smiling and more calm... like befoore , i love being calm and soo My Lord help me with her, i like her but in some other level i would totally love hanging out with her,... she seems soo full of like and always smiling i love that.... i want somone to laugh all the time with. dear God help me with becoming her friend and that she sees me as a friend.

Spring-Daybreak

even though the title says spring, and im near winter, well too mee it feels like spring.
today marketing fair annnoyingly looong, several things ocured to me earliuer annie went to my stant and was all smiling to me and stuf... then when i was on humanidades she did the same thing and she huggged me... welll in what concerns to the first part of the day if it wasnt for my friends and annie and other part that i will be writting in a minute it could have been horrible. then the first part of the day ended, i went to eat and sat by jorge and the girls, and pancho too. then i went to buy some food for my sister, i first took money out of our account and then i went to the other side to buy her food, then we moved to difusion, after that she was talking to her friends and i dont remember what i was doing just ... joking with my friends... then her teacher comes here and bla bla bla and then pretty girl does too i was like ... nothing is going to happend today... then i tell my sister what if i give her a flower... first i was like noo noo this is too stupid then i thought about it a little bit and i say yes... then clau came and i told her and she made me do a "pinky promise" and told me not to back away.... sooo i waited for the right time and i was sooo nervous i thought i was going to faint.. she came i said " paooo ven para aca"" and then " mira te tengo esta flor para ti" then i have it to her she smiled and said omggggg thaaanks.... then i was like im fainting..... i couldnt belive i did it... i still be praying to God so i can keep my dreams ... soo my dreams can become truee

one last goodbye

well reall busy.... i've been wanting to write here but i was busy so im going to be short
all started on wednesday when i was grabbing her hand and i was playting with her fingers
i felt soo good inside and sooo in peace,... friday i hang out with her and i walked around with her
i just was wishing that same night that i could do the same thing with the girl that i like... i just hope i can i will prayt to God ...