you call me good, a good person when in reality im an insensitive ass

watch as I stand alone dude , the last time that we talked was awful and rude.' im just being nice, I know you wont come with us? ' what the heck wasthat?
i was not in the mood

I can tell. but it was my fault? no it wasnt. and you were completely rudeeee and i didnt answered fast 'cause i was asking my mom if i could go out and when i came back i was like what!

(too ashamed to write down what i said)

sort of what happened to the.. 'stay positive'?
(somehow i wrote ... im a bad person, im sorry)

no you're not I was just sad.. that you were thinking that
but we're ok now. and now im leaving take good care please I have to fix the school thing keep praying I care alot about you buddy STAY POSITIVEEEE haahah how annoying am i haha well talk later.

as you can see another thing that my own disguisting stupid idiotic and whom i hate self , screwed up, regret enterily that i said that .... wish that could get .. there are no words in the world that explain how much hatred for one person (my own self) can have
i dont deserve her friendship anymore and im such a bad person and i wouldnt be suprised that she doesnt talk to me again actually hope that she doesnt talk to me as a punisshment for being a fucking ass . i've been thinking this since a.... long time becuse this happend on 1/15/2009 even though im soo going to regret this for a long time and all i have to say from the bottom of my heeart is that im dont deserve your friendship at all, and i wish you could meet a way better person or that somone else better than me was in my place .

even if it means i only hang out with her only two times a year they make me think about that special someone who is soo unique and dear to me. just the dream of being with her once again will give my life a purpose that will be really dear and probably no one else will understand
not even her. and even if she promised that we would hang out daily two times it is more than enough, the most awesome gift ever, more than i could have ever asked for
i dont know what would it be of my life you were not here . if i loose you then there is no more reason to continue pursuing my goals. you have no one to answer but to you soo there is no reason why i should expect something else from youuu, but the little you give me is way more than enough
thank you my dear Lord i now understand that song
thank you God im so fortunate

keep my friends hapiness even if i am gone

well i didnt fell the necesity to write anything further since i was really busy and things were going good now that i am back to the real world i have to write down, as i feel that everything its going back to the darkest times. first of all lets start with the bad things ... so we can finish with the most amazing , and beautiful things that hpapend to me . first bad things are... well i am out of money... i wont be able to go to school after this term... and God knows what its going to happend after i ran out of money,other things? i wont be able to train anymore and well C.C. my best friend she.... is making me suffer hahaha . i like her a lot but everything seems to be between us , or maybie its her that she doenst really want to hang out ... she told me that how can i said that? but as right now... i dont feel good and maybie she was right i m just making stuff up in my head. i ... do like like her... but its normal becuase she is really cool and she is soo freaking unique she said she was going to hang out today but i dont know where she is... i better forget about her and everything since things are going to get ... worse?? in the inside i feel like they wont i feel that everything its going to be amazing from now on i can just feel it in the inside. what other bad thing... well B is leaving monterrey and i wont be able to see her again for a while which sucks a lot....

now lets get tthe happy things first of all lets recap to the last good thing that happend to me. i hanged out with brenda and it was such a good time. first she came home and we drove around my sister felt bad and went back home, then to the supermarket at midnnight to buy food and ot was sooo much fun!!!!!! amazing we came back home and ate, then she fell asleep in my sissters bed she is soo cute
2.- ummm i hanged out with my sisters friends the other day and invited them to a coffe during my sister's first celebration
3.- after my sisters third presentation Pretty girl said good things about me ^___^
4.- a week after that the last day of school tests, we went to some award ceremony and i recieved my early christmas present... i took a picture with pretty girl!!! woohoooo i felt soo flyyy :P kidding thats a bad use of that word right there
5.- umm during the vacations it turns out that my sister was talking to pretty girl and here is the story
first they were talking over the facebooc and then she said something like... you had a secret admirer.. she said - whoo is him-,,.. your brother?, then she said something like but ... im too shy. soo everything ended in that her is really shy and she thinks im a nice guy
6.-ummm ohh oh i hanged out with rose!! ok so we are friends once again and ... i felt soo happy to see her and she is really happy to see me too, she is really really pretty, and were going to hang out again and i think i like like her... heheh but we are friends again which makes me happy

7.- what else... ummm ohh yeah last but not least i hanged out with C.C. before new year's here is the story: soo i was supposed to go out wiht Net and my older friends from high school from here but then turns out that on the evening C.C. said that we should hang out soo i told her that i was going to pick her up. then i went to pick her up and made me wait like an hour, she was soo embarrased and after she came out we drove around, bought hamburgers. snacks and chatted for a long time. in which i completly loved bieng with her and i felt sooo good becuase she is soo pretty and sooo unique there is nnot another girl like her . we talked soo much and she left late.

well thats it i guess. my heart tells me that the future its going to be good!!! i dont know why but im pretty sure is God telling me that everything will be good if i just have fate and patiance. im soo freaking sad... becuase i didnt hang out further with ceci i feel like i need her soo bad but its ok at least i got to see her once... i felt soo sad the first part of this day becuase the future looks really bad... but im going to take advantage of this nex term and give my freaking best! and with the help of God i will acomplish all my goals... which are... hehe go out with pretty girl (as boyfriend and girlfriend) God... i soo pray to youu to help me with all my fiancial problems and with her also... and also be with me so i can Help other people!!
soo as a recap this vacations... where well.. full of surprises and ... a some thirst of need to be with some friends but besides that i got one chance of being there and happy and i had a Blast!!
thank you my dear Lord for everything!